Chris’s five-a-side team wishes to evaporate any form of discrimination or just plain mean behaviour both on and off the Astroturf pitch. It’s important to understand the context of what’s being said, but here are examples of a few words worth listening out for which are usually offensive and the five-a-side team considers unacceptable. Especially if they are being shouted at Chris, who is sensitive about his ears.
Plonker.
Wally.
Berk.
Durrr brain.
Oddbod.
Saddo.
Nincompoop.
That’s naff.
You’re naff.
Ponce.
Drip.
Scruffy.
Rubbish.
Play like a chump.
Don’t be a dork.
Smelly.
Stinker.
Ghost train material.
Wackadoo.
Blummin’ heck.
The Anti-sport.
Be more of a bloke.
Stupid head.
Wash-dodger.
Show off.
Misery guts.
Slow coach.
Doofus.
Dingus.
Buffoon.
Minger.
Flippin’ idiot.
Haircut and a half.
Crikey.
Blimey.
Crikey O’Riley.
Gob on a stick.
Pipsqueak.
Turnip.
Weird ears.
Chris Loves Football 
Chris, mate. Word to the wise – did you take legal advice before publishing these words on here? I think you’ll find you may already be in hot water (and that’s NOT an oblique reference to ‘Wash-dodger’) with some you’ve mentioned.
Seriously, you’ve got to be careful. Words like ‘Berk’ and ‘Drip’ can be so offensive that even in this context people could be adversely affected.
I think you should at least have one of those helpline numbers posted at the end of your piece. You know the ones I mean – like they sometimes have at the end of Eastenders?
I’m trying to help……